Friday. nothing

Susan and Larry woke me up on the couch before Lunch. I had written a big word of encouragment for Nicole last night so Larry and I could deliver it to her so she would be ready. The girl just has to know that she is going to fine. She has performed a miracle so far. If she had been any older and less fit she would be dead. Everything has been a slow miracle. Well she freaked this morning as they were trying to lower her levels on the breathing machine. Today was slow and torture. After trying that they started giving her new medicine. More regular pain medicine and anti deppresants, which once administered it drove her crazy. I had a very low hour of just trying to calm her and quit her from moving her one mobile arm. She looked like she was in so much pain, I know this girl, and looking into her eyes and her facial expresssions is just like talking directly to her soul. It hurt so bad, to love, and to look at someone in pain. I lost it for a bit and turned it over to Larry who has never seemed to lose it. I got in a low mood and my sister and chase came over again. We hung out upstairs for a bit in the Cruise deck lounge area. I talked to my priest, prayed, and tried to start up funner conversations. Averting is all i can do to stop thinking about it. I have moments of strength and positivity and then i crumble and cry. I feel weak. I went out to get some Benadryl with jordan/chase and came back to see she was in good hands for the night. My father was wonderful enough to help me rent a room for three nights on the floor above. I went to bed before midnight saying prayers that Chuck had sent me. One day bad, one day good, one day bad, tomorrow good. But it isn't even that, she is improving everyday, less tubes in her today, not ready on the breathing, tomorrow something less hopefully. She has done everything so far past expectations, she will get better, and it will take time. This is a great lesson in taking it slow.