Sunday through Thursday.

I haven't written in awhile. The basic protocol for the past four nights has been to rest as much as possible, try to beat off all of these infections that are invading her body, and get ready for surgery Thursday and Trachiatomy Friday.  It has been nights of restful sleep, happy smiles, mixed with pain and complete discomfort. I know she is physically and mentally ready, everyday she seems more aware of who she is and what she has to do. The problem still is all of these other variables that just don't want her to pass through this easily. I cried my last tears on Sunday, it was Gods day and I knew there were thousands of people praying for her and she was safe.  I just want to know when she makes it over the mortal threshold. I know once she makes it over that fifty percent leap its a race towards the finish line. I just want to know when that is. Right now she has two possible infections from a wound in her back. Then there is the pneumonia which they say can kill her and yes she has. Then there is every other damn hole that was inflicted or put there that could be infected. In total, she has about 5 or more infectious portals into her body now that are keeping her from regaining all over her strength in her chest. Truth be told, after the tube was tried, she still seems to have little breath about her. It is swelling, it is trauma, it is broken bones, it is ribs, it is fluid in the lungs, it is pneumonia attacking her lungs. I just pray that when they finally do this Trachiatomy on Friday she pulls a big breath and says "shit!". I am worried.  I have been up every night from midnight till seven in the morning watching her and comforting her when nurses, doctors, xray techs, blood pressure vampires, and anyone comes by. I really don't see how people make it through this without someone there to constantly  counsel and protect you.  The jamaican family next door is amazing and their strength in prayer and family is what is bringing them through. I feel for the people who are on the other side of us who have no family or someone hasn't arrived yet. They are constantly prodded and poked, as far as they know they might have been abducted by aliens. I have heard people scream and cry and two have died so far. Its a strange place to be, like a very bright flourescent place that is full of miracles and death. A purgatory office space.  Everyday the nurses (God bless these ladies) and doctors are getting better at letting us be a part of the process. They have let me stay in the room and help position, push, pull, whatever it takes to get this girl better. As I said, many sleepless nights and days consumed with benadryl to keep me from bad dreams till the afternoon. We have eaten well, people have been amazing on all fronts, its a wonder that I think anything could go wrong. I have come to the conclusion that God loves the crap out of this girl, that without his love, she would have persished long long ago. After seeing where she fell, I know that I would have died. But all these minute road bumps  are as equally nerve racking as her having a stroke. But, everyday, she for one is coming more aware of who she is and her face is alive.  She woke up Tuesday morning asking for a beer. She has been asking for one everyday, numerous times. We have played her music, read her notes, brought her flowers to look at and then bring outside (someone brought her flowers in a pint of beer). Things have been good and slowly slowly slowly getting somewhere.

   Tuesday night she was up for two hours in pain, she is getting past little pain medicine doing anything, her neck is in constant pain because she is moving more and more.  They have to suction her (which is taking the tube in her throat and pushing it down into her lungs to pick up excesss fluids) which she use to hate now she loves and clean her mouth out with endless tubes and brushes. They are trying to keep the infections down. In turn trying to keep her fever under 101. Wednesday night fine. Today was a terrifying day.  I left her around 7am and she was doing super super great and ready for her surgery. Around 8am she was getting suctioned and apparently she had a small reaction where her heart and blood pressure just dropped, they termed it a vagal episode. I woke up to hear this, luckily, she was with all of her surgeons and they handled it quickly. Her surgery was fine, it was great. When she got back to the room she was up. We thought she me might be out most of the day. I went to eat with sister, Chase and Elizabeth.  I got back and she was up, her mom told me she had another vagal episode. This time her heart and blood pressure did drop considerably. I have been back for about three hours and I can tell its going to be a long night. As long as I have her looking at me during suction she seems to be far from freaking out. She is freaking though, she is hurting bad in the neck, her tube is killing her, and pain medicine isn't doing it. She says she isn't worried about the suction but I can tell she is. Her temperature is 101.7 now and she won't stop moving. I wish she could just lay still and handle the pain, it seems like the best answer now, getting her to do that is the problem. She is to conscious and strong for her broken body to keep up. I am frustrated if you can't tell. I want to stop her pain now.